My ode to gardening

The highs & lows, the ebbs & flows of this rollercoaster we call life. Today I tackled something I have procrastinated on for so long. Today I did not let my nemesis get the better of me. Today I made a choice that positively impacted my future. 

Today I chose to weed our vege bed garden’s.  Why, that sounds simple I hear you say, how can this be such a positive impacting action for your future, you might ask? To understand that I need to take you on a journey through time.  

Three plus years ago this vege bed grew food for our family, it had done so for 4 years, it was exciting to see our food grow, it was fun to discover what worked & what didn’t, and it was yummy to eat the fruits of our labour. I must also mention it was quite an achievement as I have never been a green thumb, in fact I happily referred to myself as a brown thumb, unless it could survive in the desert, I was likely to kill it. 

So, what changed? Life & big moments did, choices I made resulted in me deprioritising the vege garden. I knew I had to. Something had to give in amongst the ebbs & flows so to help me maintain equilibrium. Thing is my equilibrium got out of whack and as I ignored the signs the messages got louder. Until I hit a brick wall, I was confronted with my worst nightmare, having someone question my integrity, having the people I had worked hard to support let me down, having my manager lie & her manager not believe me 😔.  

During the previous 12 months I led a project team of 4 to transform the way we delivered service to our customers; it was a chance to execute a vision I had formed over the time I had worked there. It was exciting, hard, challenging, customer centric, shaking things up, revolutionising how things were, modernising processes and being more efficient 😊. Ironically even prepared us for the lockdowns that were to come 😊. On top of that our youngest become ill & was in and out of the hospital, having to have a whole term off school & dealing with outbursts of extreme pain 😔. No diagnosis stuck & it eventually went away as mysteriously as it came 😊.  

Once we delivered our changes, I decided to initiate & lead an application for our team to be considered for a business award 😊. Knowing full well the magnitude of what we had achieved, I wanted the team to get recognised. The great news was, not only did we make it into two categories, but we also won the coveted Customer Experience award 😊. No small feat for a team from an education facility, up against business teams. Our small team thanked each other. We had each other’s backs yet felt unsupported by the Senior Management team 😔. We had to push to get tickets to be at the awards night, so it felt like sweet justice to be declared winners.  The following week, one of our teammates and my friend was diagnosed with leukaemia 😔. Making the win even more rewarding as it would turn out to be her last. 

On reflection it was a lesson I have felt before 🤔. That time, like this, I had put more than my all into developing something that would make a difference. The danger with that approach, is you have no energy left, when you are empty of fuel you are vulnerable when relationships fracture, when others around you feel threatened, when others around you are impatient, want to slow you down, want to take claim for what you have done or simply are too self-absorbed to care what impact they have on you 😔. 

It hit me hard, I was debilitated. I had no fight left in me, I was sucked dry, yet I mustered up enough courage to resign 😔. Knowing that I needed to leave on my terms, that I needed to put myself first.  It took a few months, with support from family, friends, the Doctor, anti-depressants & a deep practice in gratitude my strength was regained 😊. I trained as a Transformational Coach, I was driven to help others, to help them build their resilience, learn to forgive, connect with their Why & live their best life 😊. 

I started a Change consultant role, working for a team that appreciates the skills I bring 😊. I also started collaborating with other coaches, developed a Change programme, joined a global Gratitude collective, developed a Gratitude course, connected with incredible minds from across the globe and built my own website (twice as I accidentally deleted the 1^st version). 😊 Then a year ago my incredible husband had an accident which resulted in 2 lifesaving operations. 😔 While he recovered in intensive care my awesome Dad was diagnosed with two rare terminal bone marrow cancers. 😔 Six months later, husband was recovered 😊, & Dad fell and fractured his back 😔. 

Five months later Dads fracture is healed, 😊 and my Father in law is diagnosed with inoperable cancer and put on palliative care 😔.  

Now travel back to today, three years ago I know the decision I made to deprioritise the vege gardens was the right one. I wasn’t to know it would stay deprioritised, I even paid for people to clean it up & replant veges twice, yet still it ended up with the same destiny to become wildly overgrown & an eyesore.   Reflective of life at that time, yet it seemed to serve as a reminder of what I couldn’t do, I felt at times like I had failed, that I wasn’t pulling my weight, that it was such a wasted opportunity.   

Those thoughts were not sent to serve me, yet it is common that we beat ourselves up by concentrating on what we haven’t done. What got me through the ebbs was reminding myself of what I was achieving, what I was prioritising & how that aligned with my values. This enabled me to step back into the flow.  

I decided to make a choice that I knew would help my future mental wellness, I decided to weed the gardens. Halfway through I was feeling tired, yet I was motivated by not completing half the job. I weeded the gardens & felt a sense of accomplishment. I walked away knowing I had positively impacted my future as it will not transform into an eyesore, it will not weigh me down. This is a different choice to the one I have made over the past few years, yet it doesn’t make it a better one, it simply is a choice I made. I own my choices, whether the outcome is what I prefer or not changes nothing, my choices are mine. 

I must add a funny thing, by the end of the day I sat down and had the thought ‘I feel like I haven’t achieved much today!’ I was shocked & reminded myself I had attended a 5-hour online course, weeded the garden beds & done 3 loads of washing. It’s important we call ourselves out, it’s imperative we look at what we have achieved & celebrate those achievements. That mind set will lift us, will provide us the fuel to lean into the next day with the joy of possibility.