Ever feel life brings you more than your fair share of storms? I wonder if everything in life went so smoothly whether it would provide us with as much growth and opportunity? When we are faced with a storm it presents us an opportunity. We usually need to make decisions, sometimes these must be made quickly and other times we have longer to ponder, but invariably a decision needs to be made.
Identify which of the 3 storm rider archetypes you are
- The Over analyzer – Someone who makes a decision then looks back and wonders if another decision may have given them a better outcome. They can spend a lot of time imagining what the outcome could have been based on imagination, assumptions and what if’s. Resulting in them thinking a different choice would have been better which leaves them believing the one they made wasn’t the right one.
- The Consulter – Someone who finds making a decision difficult as they are not confident they can make the right decision, feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the decision or are simply at decision overload so consult multiple family, friends and/or colleagues asking what they think they should do.
- The Decider – Someone who faces the decision head on, picks one and walks confidently in the knowledge they had made the best decision for themselves in that moment.
At times we may find ourselves flitting between all three, this can depend a little on the size of the decision we need to make, how many people the outcome of the decision impacts or how tired we are feeling at the time, but mostly, its impacted by how we view ourselves. When our self confidence is low we question whether we are the right person for the job, whether we are ‘qualified to make the best decision for ourselves.
Understanding the 3 storm rider archetypes
The Over analyzer – When we over analyze outcomes we are more likely to get stuck, unable to choose a decision out of fear that one outcome may be better than the other. Or once we finally make the decision, we over think that outcome and try to compare it against the ‘imagined’ outcome(s) of other decisions we did not choose! If you look back you are second guessing yourself. I’m not talking about reflection, as self-reflection is an awesome tool, where self reflection kindly looks at the outcome of the decision made, over-analysing ponders on all the decisions choices you didn’t make usually with negative undertones about you. There is no denying the outcome would have been different, if a different choice had been chosen, but there is no knowing if it would have been better. You cannot wind back time, instead you can teach yourself to accept the decision you did make and if you are not happy with the path that decision too you down then make new decisions. There is no failure in this approach, how we learn and navigate this world is by trial and failure, once we recognise that failure is the stepping stones to success we learn to celebrate our courage to try.
Decisions we make determine our path
You are in control
Step forward with confidence
The Consulter – If you consult lots of people in order to make your decision, is it ever your decision you are making? Others advice is usually based on how they would deal with a situation, and although guidance can be helpful, over reliance in others to make your decisions can result in you losing even more self confidence. Additionally, when you use another persons decision you are likely to find it harder to commit to the outcome, find it easier to blame others if the outcome is not what you were hoping for and this chips away at your confidence making it harder for you to make the next decision therefore encouraging a repeating cycle. The question to be asked here, is what’s holding you back from believing in your decisions? A whole raft of life experiences can negatively affect our self confidence and self worth. When these are low we can focus more on what others think about our decisions than we should. Judgement from significant people in our lives, like parents, partners, siblings or close friends can have a huge impact on the way we think about ourselves. What might come as a shock, is the judgment you are feeling is your own! What we ‘see’ in how others think of us is a mirror reflection of our our insecurities, this becomes harder to identify with the deeper those insecurities are. To build our confidence and self worth we need to look and work within. Inside the centre of our circle of control is ourselves, we have control on how we see the world, how we react to the world and importantly how we see ourselves. When mastered I can guarantee you that the judgment you see in others will disappear.
The Decider – All of us can be this archetype! We are all worthy and capable of being a confident decision maker in our own lives. I guarantee that even for those of you who associate more with ‘The Over Analyzer’ and ‘The Consulter’ archetypes that at times you are ‘The Decider’. Let’s explore that a little as some of you may be disagreeing with me right now. So this is the point where many other headline grabbing articles would quote humans make on average 35,000 decisions per day* – but as there’s no publicly available sources to quantify this number I’m going to go with “Humans make a lot more decision each day than they image”. From when you decide to get out of bed, to whether you eat breakfast, then what to eat if you do, which in itself can have a variety of decisions, to choosing what to wear, the route to drive, the way you want to approach your day and many many more. If we take having toast as the decision for breakfast, you then need to decide with or without butter, then what spread or how many will you choose to have on your toast. Getting out of bed and what we choose for breakfast are great decision examples, as for the most part we take these decisions for granted and don’t even regard them as decisions, we have made them so often they have become more sub-conscious decisions. Which doesn’t make them any more important than those we are more consciously aware of. For most adults these decisions are ones we make independent of anyone else. At the time we are making these decisions we are ‘The Decider’ archetype. So now you will see why I’m so confident in saying that we all get to be ‘The Decider’ many times throughout the day. For those of you reading this who identify more greatly with The ‘Over Analyser’ and ‘The Consulter’ I encourage you to take on the recommended actions below as once you rewire your brain to be more self confident focused you will see what I see, that you are ‘The Decider’.
Recommended Actions
Did you know, that developing a daily practice of gratitude helps you remove judgmental thoughts? The less judgmental we are, the less we observe judgment in others! Being focused on what we have to be grateful for also helps develop a positive mindset, this is imperative if we want to think positively about ourselves. Being in this mindset helps develop our self-confidence and self-worth, helps provide a powerful tool to silence our internal negative voice. Click here to take on the 10-day Gratitude Challenge and see for yourself what a difference it makes.
For those of you you who cannot see yourself as ‘The decider’ my challenge for you is to take the next 20 minutes to write down all the decisions you have faced today, every one. Make sure you have two columns, write the decisions in the left-hand one. Then once you have finished writing them all, don’t worry about the order as some decision memories will trigger others, but it helps by starting with the beginning of the day and working through every 15 minute block of today. Once this is complete list which archetype you used for each decision. Make it easy on yourself and use 1, 2 or 3. For those of you who were thinking you are rarely ‘The Decider’, you will discover there are more 3’s (The Decider) than you may have thought there would be. The next step is to write how it makes you feel when you are ‘The Decider’ making those decisions for yourself. During this part of the exercise start each sentence with ‘When I make confident decisions I feel..’ Write down over 10 ways it makes you feel when you are ‘The Decider’ in the choices in your life.
When faced with your next decision, no matter how large or small, tell yourself that you trust your decisions, make the choice, and implement that choice. Stop and think about how you are feeling, congratulate yourself on having the courage to believe in your ability to make the right decisions for you. Most importantly of all look forward, embrace the decision you have made, have confidence it was the right one for you at that time and know that should you ever need to you have the power to decide to change the path you are on at any time. Be ‘The Decider’.
Reference resources:
Wow what an in depth read. It feels so real, sometimes living across the country you hear news but it…
Thanks Karen, it hasn’t been an easy journey, some of the twists & turns have been harder to manage than…
Thank you for sharing Dalice. I think that the Roller coaster metaphor you paints a true picture of what your…
Fantastic Vicki, a great nights sleep does wonders for the health of both our body & our mind. Take a…
Thanks for your support Mike, it was freeing to write & share.